


It’s Ok to Live

by ladydragon76



Category: Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Fanfiction, M/M, character: blurr, character: sideswipe, genre: angst - Freeform, genre: drama, genre: hurt/comfort, genre: tragedy, rating: R - Freeform, verse: idw, warning: character death, warning: triggery content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-25
Updated: 2012-04-25
Packaged: 2017-11-04 07:08:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/391137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladydragon76/pseuds/ladydragon76
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Summary:</b> <a href="http://ladydragon76.livejournal.com/71609.html?thread=869817#t869817">Prompt</a> from kitemasquerade: IDW Sides/Blurr - Abandonment issues</p>
            </blockquote>





	It’s Ok to Live

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning:** Canon character ‘death’ mentioned, mention of suicide, angst liek whoa.  
>  **Notes:** It got fluffy toward the end…? /shrug

**Title:** It’s Ok to Live  
 **‘Verse:** IDW  
 **Series:** None  
 **Rating:** R  
 **Characters:** Sideswipe, Blurr  
 **Summary:** [Prompt](http://ladydragon76.livejournal.com/71609.html?thread=869817#t869817) from kitemasquerade: IDW Sides/Blurr - Abandonment issues  
 **Warning:** Canon character ‘death’ mentioned, mention of suicide, angst liek whoa.  
 **Notes:** It got fluffy toward the end…? /shrug

 

**It’s Ok to Live**

 

“Sideswipe! Are you-“

“All right?!” Sideswipe snapped, whipping around to glare at Blurr, and the Racer stopped short a few paces out of reach. “What do you think? Huh? My _twin_ just blew himself up! Of course I’m not all right! How stupid are you?”

Blurr bristled. “I’m not stu-“

“No, of course not.” Sideswipe huffed, crossed his arms, and gave Blurr a scathing once over.

“I know you’ve got to be hurting, I just-“

“Hurting? _Hurting_?! I’m not hurting, I’m fragged the fuck off! My _bondmate_ just suicided! _Abandoned_ me! Threw his life away without a word of warning! So really, _Blurr_ ,” Sideswipe sneered his name. “Tell me what you know about abandonment that makes you just such the expert right now.”

Blurr clenched his jaw and fists for a moment. “What do I know? I know it frags you off to be ‘abandoned’. It hurts too. I lost everything. The races. My fans abandoned me. My own manager threw me out with _nothing_. Worthless. Useless. Ignored!”

Sideswipe’s mouth had dropped open. “You’re comparing the races shutting down and being broke to losing a bondmate? Rea-“

“I’m not comparing anything,” Blurr interrupted. “You asked what I knew about it. That’s what I know.”

“Pff! Go away.” Sideswipe turned to leave.

“I wasn’t going to ask if you were all right.” Blurr remained still and kept his voice level as Sideswipe looked back, optic ridge raised. “I was going to ask if you were going to kill yourself too. Or where you were going to die so I could come get you if you didn’t want me to sit with you until it happened.”

Sideswipe’s optics were round and wide, and he turned back fully. “What?”

“Your brother, your _twin_ just died. How long do you even have? I just didn’t want you lost, off rusting somewhere. Or worse! The nasty little organics getting a hold of your shell and defiling you.”

Sideswipe staggered back, catching himself against the wall. Blurr rushed forward, kneeling beside him as he slumped to the floor. “Oh Primus! He’s dead! He’s really dead!” Blurr wrapped his arms around Sideswipe’s shoulders. He didn’t know what else to do, but at least they were alone here. Hopefully no one would come by and see Sideswipe shaking like this. He deserved at least the lie of fading with dignity to go after his twin.

“I don’t want to die,” Sideswipe whispered, vents catching. “I’m the most horrible bondmate ever. I don’t _want_ to die, Blurr!”

Blurr bit his lip and shrugged. “Do you get a choice?”

Sideswipe just stared at him for a moment, but then tucked his face into Blurr’s neck and wept. Blurr stayed as he was, optics locked on the red of Sideswipe’s plating long after he went silent, then relaxed into recharge. Blurr expected him to die, his plating to go grey any moment. When after a few hours it hadn’t, Blurr shifted carefully so they could both be more comfortable.

He was exhausted, but held his vigil into the night. At some point he must have drifted off, but it was Sideswipe moving, curling up to put his head in Blurr’s lap, that woke him.

“I think it’d be ok if you lived,” Blurr whispered.

Sideswipe reached up to pull Blurr’s hand over his shoulder so he could hold it. Blurr let him, slowly petting the black helm with his free hand. He continued to watch though, and Sideswipe remained awake too.

The lights in the tunnels brightened slightly, signaling morning, and Sideswipe twisted to look up at Blurr, guilt etched his face, and a few tears rolled free.

Blurr brushed the tears away, and said more firmly than he had during the night, “You should live. It’s ok if you live.”

Sideswipe looked doubtful, but then he sat up, visibly pulling himself together. Blurr waited, and when Sideswipe made to stand, he did too. “Energon?”

“Yeah.”

They began walking toward the common room for their rations. “Would you mind-“ Sideswipe began.

Blurr grinned, and cut him off with a hip check. “So long as we can recharge in a berth instead of against the wall.”

Sideswipe smiled. It was crooked and weak and didn’t go all the way to his optics, but he tried, and nodded. “Definitely a berth.” He cycled his vents in a deep sigh. “Thanks, Blurr, for-“

“Yeah,” Blurr cut him off again. It didn’t need said. He knew.

~ | ~

**([Table of Contents](http://ladydragon76.livejournal.com/6214.html) )**


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